4 weeks old

The last 4 weeks have gone by so fast!! I can’t believe how quickly Beezus has been growing. At his Dr’s appointment a week ago he was up to 9 lbs 8 oz and 57 cm!! He’s quickly outgrowing his 0-3 month clothes. I can’t believe how big he is. My milk took a week to really come in, and luckily since then we haven’t had any issues with feeding or supply. His latch is really great and he LOVES to eat. After the first two weeks my nipples haven’t been sore either. I have been very blessed. The first two weeks I was in tears because they hurt so badly, and I expected them to be sore for quite a while longer, with everything I had heard from other women, but luckily they have been fine. I’ve been pumping a bottle a day as well so my wife can feed him in the mornings while I sleep. We’ve been lucky that she was able to take 6 weeks of my maternity/ parental leave so she’ll be home with us for another 2 weeks.

We’ve slowly been getting into the hang of motherhood. It really is such a beautiful thing. Every day Emery grows and develops. He started really smiling the other day, when we play with him. He also pants while he plays on his play mat. He loves playing!

Sleep has been getting better too. Evenings are harder because he’s usually fussier and sometimes he just screams but we’ve been gaining new soothing techniques which is helping. He usually sleeps from about 10:00pm-2:00am, and then 3am-6:30am. We’ve been blessed with his nighttime sleeping habits! And he’s finally sleeping in his crib at night which is a Godsend! The days are a lot harder because he won’t sleep in his crib or anywhere other than our arms. He’ll sleep in a newborn carrier wrap or sling which helps a  bit, but it’s so hard to get anything done when he won’t sleep on his own! It’s not too bad while we’re both home but when my wife goes back to work I’m not sure how I’ll manage. I’m thinking if we get some blackout curtains that might help him sleep in his crib during the day…?

My healing has been going pretty fantastic as well. The first few days were the absolute worst, and it took another week for me to be able to walk more than 5 mins, but after that it was pretty smooth sailing! My stomach muscles hurt every now and then, but not too bad. I still have a bit of a pregnant belly too, but I’m quickly losing the weight I’ve gained. Two weeks ago I was down 22 pounds, which was great! 48 more pounds to go haha! It’s still difficult to wear clothes though, since my belly gets in the way of wearing regular clothes, but maternity clothes are too big… Luckily we stay home most of the time so I can lounge in sweats haha.

My mood has been pretty great too. I think it helps having my wife here to help. There’s no way I could have done it all on my own during the day. I had the baby blues on and off for the first few weeks, but they seem to have settled down now. There’s nothing like hormones to make you feel insane. I was also pretty freaked out about my birth story, to be honest. I’m still pretty choked that I didn’t hear my baby’s first cries and I didn’t get to experience the first few moments. I thought I had been screaming from the pain which was why I hadn’t heard his first cries, but my wife said it was actually because I was drifting in and out of consciousness from the shock. I guess it seems a bit worse, but that somehow made me feel better, like it wasn’t actually my fault that I didn’t hear him cry. I kept thinking that it was my fault that he came into the world in such a brutal way, that it was my fault that I couldn’t protect him. I’ve asked my wife to tell me details about his birth over and over again, and I feel like that’s helped my healing process. But I know I’m still pretty freaked out about the whole thing. Honestly, I would like to be pregnant again one day, and I know I could do the labour all over again because that was a piece of cake! And I know people have VBACs all the time, but the Dr told me my pelvis was half the width of most women’s, and I should go straight for a C-section next time. I can’t bare the thought of going through that again…

But for now, we are perfectly happy being our little family of three. We are so blessed ❤